Well, here we go.
For over a year, I have been contemplating the idea of starting a pagan podcast. I figure I had better start with a blog first.
I have mulled it over and dismissed the idea numerous times. Mostly because, who the hell is going to care what I have to say? But so much has happened to me over the last year. Now I am thinking, why the hell not?
So, a little about me.
I am 26 years old. That used to seem soooooooo old. Turns out, not so much. I just passed the Minnesota bar exam, after passing the Wisconsin bar exam last summer. That means I am due to be licensed to practice law in two states.
Oh yeah, I am a lawyer. Though it doesn't feel like that much these days. I have practiced law for the last year. First with a Social Security Disability firm. There I helped people who have become disabled before the age of retirement get monthly benefits to sustain them during their disability. Whatever you think of the Social Security program, I can tell you that this piece of it is essential. I learned a lot about physical and mental illness. Especially the crippling effects illness can have on one's life.
Turns out though, I was working for the Axis of Evil. Yes, these two partners knew what they were doing so far as the practice of law is concerned. (Though I do have serious doubts about the quality of service they have and continue to give their clients. Many are under-served for the sake of profit.) Unfortunately, these people do not know how to treat employees. No benefits for anyone. No paid time off or sick leave or vacation. I just got an email from a friend still employed there that mandated 7:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. hours for their attorneys. I left because I couldn't handle the working environment anymore.
I left hat private firm to join a non-profit firm dedicated to providing access to legal services for low income people. The concept of the firm is fantastic. There is such a HUGE need for affordable legal services for people who do not qualify for legal aid/public defenders (i.e. they aren't "poor enough") but who certainly cannot afford the even modestly-priced legal representation out there. And average retainer for an attorney is upwards of $5,000. Do you have that laying around? Because I sure don't.
Turns out that I left the Axis of Evil to work for Hitler himself. Okay. He wasn't as bad as Hitler. But his worldview certainly dates back to that era. This caucasian Jewish man would often tell our black clients that he may be white on the outside, but that he had a "black soul." He would then proceed to quote Martin Luther King, Jr. or other similar civil rights activists.
Apparently he never heard of the women's liberation movement. He would often treat me like a secretary in the Mad Men era. He would often make comments about my clothes and appearance. If I got assertive, he would denigrate me by calling me hysterical or emotional (which was often not the case).
Probably the most appalling example of his lack of awareness of changing times came when a client came in with a very delicate issue. His ex had accused him of sexually abusing their little girl. I did most of the initial consult. At the end of the conversation he told me things that he was sure his ex would bring up to attempt to prove her baseless allegations. He said three things, one of which was that a neighbor had attempted to sexually assault him as a child. I told him nothing that he had shared was going to be persuasive and supportive of the allegations against him. When my boss entered the room and the client shared the same information, the first words out of my employers' mouth were, "Are you gay?"
I was aghast. I was dumbfounded. I absolutely could not believe this person, this allegedly legally educated person, could be so backwards.
Needless to say, my first year of practice was horrible. And I have since decided that I don't want to be a lawyer. Unfortunately all I have ever wanted is to be a lawyer. I am facing a serious identity crises here. Even without practicing law, being surrounded my so many critical and cynical folks, if I was out of the broom closet, it could serious affect my employment prospects. I could be discredited in the eyes of the bar and the judiciary.
Even though I believe in my heart of hearts that paganism and its many denominations is just as legitimate as Christianity or Islam or Judiaism, all of us know that is not the popular view. (Seriously, your guy rose from the dead, and your guy talked to shrubbery, and we're out of touch??? C'mon.)
Anyway, that's one angle that I hope will be of interest, or even of help to other pagans out there. I am still learning myself how to balance my beliefs with my daily living.
Speaking of daily living, I am a year and a half into marriage. Man, sharing your whole life with someone makes it hard to keep some things secret. Luckily, my husband is very supportive of my alternative beliefs. Even encouraging. (He would like me to cast some nasty stuff on to my former employers-- Cory and Laine, any hoodoo advice?) I still feel self-conscious practicing around him though.
I am also a stepmother. My step-daughter's bio-mom is a self-righteous Catholic. I am guessing she's not going to be thrilled if her daughter comes home talking about Yule or a folkloric tradition.
How can I be true to myself and my beliefs, but maintain the necessary credibility to maintain the more mundane aspects of my life? Am I underestimating the people around me? The tolerance of Pagans in society generally?
Is there a damn thing I can talk about that another Pagan blogger/podcaster hasn't already covered? Probably not. But I know, as often as some topics were covered by different podcasters, I got something out of each of those. If I can help someone else along the path, or give pause to someone who has been practicing their way for many years, I think it is worth it.
Insert clever sign-off here. I'll come up with something later. "I'm Ron Burgundy?"
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