I suffer from hypothyroidism. If you are unfamiliar with the disease, it results from an underactive thyroid. It causes many health issues including: insomnia, excessive sweating, fertility/ovulation issues, fatigue, carpal tunnel syndrome, poor appetite, weight gain, dry skin and hair loss.
I was diagnosed at a very young age with hypothyroidism. I was getting strep throat 2-3 times per season and my family doctor thought a screening of my TSH levels was in order. The way they do that is through a blood draw. My eight year old self was NOT happy. But the blood panel revealed a low level of TSH and I was sent to an endocrinologist and put on a synthetic thyroid hormone supplement.
I have taken, and will need to continue to take this synthetic hormone my whole life. I have tried to go without medication, both purposefully under the direction of a doctor and out of pure laziness, every attempt was unsuccessful. I would become easily fatigued and could never get enough sleep.
I have also looked into natural remedies and alternative therapies. More so since becoming pagan. There are some proponents of natural therapies for hypothyroidism. Some people also take a non-synthetic (aka organic) thyroid medication made from actual thyroid hormone. That is only available by prescription however. Some recommend vitamin supplements, dietary changes and therapies like acupuncture. However, even in combination, most natural therapies do not cure the disease or eliminate the symptoms.
Hypothyroidism is an exceedingly complex disease. Often getting even prescription drugs at the right dosage can take a long time. The effects of untreated or under-treated hypothyroidism, are extremely serious. Especially someone in my position, trying to start a family.
My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half. I also have a young stepdaughter, from my husband's first marriage. She's two and we would like her to be close in age to her siblings. We are excited about the prospect!
I have only recently learned the effect hypothyroidism has on fertility. It prevents proper maturation of eggs and regular menstruation. [Sorry for the overshare folks] Needless to say I started being a lot more consistent in taking my medicine. Once pregnant, hypothyroidism can also cause stillbirths and other complications.
Scary stuff.
In my opinion, the most prudent choice is to take medication as directed. It's not worth the risks of possible complications in conception and pregnancy to forgo the synthetic hormone in lieu of alternative therapies.
Stress is a serious symptom and complication of hypothyroidism. I also have a stressful occupation. Being a practicing attorney is not glamourous. And working with disabled (physical and mental) people who can no longer work full time, as I did at the beginning of my practice, and also working with low income people on family issues is no cup of tea.
Getting to being a lawyer is not fun either, and in my third year of law school, I had to face some serious facts. I was extremely depressed and suffering from serious anxiety attacks. I was very reluctant to take medications to manage the illnesses, but I also didn't know what else to do.
Unfortunately the problems got no better when I got into practice. In fact, they got worse. I was working 70 hour weeks in a job where there was no personal leave time, health insurance or any other sort of medical benefits. So I continued with drug therapies.
Now however, as I am looking at potentially becoming pregnant, I need to reevaluate my treatment options. There are studies that link serious birth complications with the use of antidepressants. Recently, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists that treatment of depression with anti-depressants in pregnant women needs to be evaluated on a case-by-case basis.
Doctors are cautious. There are studies that link the use of anti-depressants to birth defects. But depression left untreated can be extremely dangerous for both mom and baby. It is a difficult decision to make, for doctor and patient.
I am interested in hearing from you all about antidepressant treatment alternatives. How would you balance the possibility of birth defects against the possibility of worsening mental health?
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
Legal wolf hunting - a pagan hunter and an attorney perspective
I am pagan and I hunt. I grew up in a family of hunters. I hunt with a rifle and more recently with a bow. Mostly I hunt deer. I will write another post about paganism and hunting at a future point. Suffice to say I am not morally opposed to killing an animal as a food source.
Background
A recent development in Minnesota law is legislature taking the gray wolf off of the endangered species list, and instead transitioned the wolf to management under the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources (DNR). The DNR states the Minnesota Wolf Management Plan will ensure the long-term survival of the species, while protecting owners of livestock and domestic pets from depredation. Depredation refers to wildlife destroying property.
Minnesota has a wolf population of 3,000. Largest of any of the lower 48. Prior to the change in the law of January 27, 2012, Minnesota regulations allowed "harassment" of wolves within 500 yards of people, buildings, livestock and domestic pets. The law did not allow for the physical harm of wolves, and you were not allowed to pursue the wolves or bait them.
Further, you are allowed to shoot or destroy a wolf only when said wolf presented an immediate threat to your animals on your property. The shooting must be reported to the DNR within 48 hours and any and all evidence must be preserved for the conservation officer, who will also take the wolf carcass.
Now, the DNR in Minnesota has instituted a legal hunting season for wolves. The regulations split the state into two hunting zones, and has a target "harvest" of 400. Hunters will be able to bait, trap and/or shoot the wolves. Licenses are awarded to hunters via a lottery process.
Legal Battles
Conservation groups have challenged the de-listing of the wolves and implementation of a hunting policy. They point out that the wolf has been on the Endangered Species List for 38 years. Originally, the DNR's plan included a five year waiting period after wolves were de-listed before hunting would begin. Conservationists and other animal rights activists also point out the cruelty of many trapping methods. Often animals are not killed by the traps and continue to suffer until the trappers return to their traps. The length of the season (11 weeks) has also been a topic of discussion.
Court battles for the opposition to the hunt have not gone in their favor. They filed a preliminary injunction (which would in effect stop the season while the court case is ongoing) against implementation of the wolf season, which was lost at the district court level. It was then appealed to the Minnesota Court of Appeals. The appellate court refused to grant the injunction requested. The case will go forward to the Minnesota Supreme Court, but is not sue to be heard until well after the season has ended.
Conservationist groups argue that the DNR rushed the implementation of the hunt, not following some of its own procedures. The DNR will typically hold forums to gauge public opinion on such a drastic change. The DNR maintains that it followed its rules.
The court of appeals, in upholding the denial of the injunction, stated that it was the legislature, not the DNR, that authorized the hunt. Therefore the groups opposed to the hunt failed to show irreparable harm attributable to the DNR's rules if the hunt were to go through as planned.
Attorney Perspective
This particular reasoning seems weak to one pagan attorney blogger. The court seems to be saying that they will not stop the hunt because the legislature authorized it and not the DNR. However, the groups could not have sued the legislature (pesky governmental immunity) to enjoin the hunt. Further, there is serious debate about whether the DNR did its due diligence with regard to public opinion before going forward. One survey found that 79% of Minnesotans to not support hunting and trapping of wolves. Yet another survey posted on the DNR's website indicates that 81.9% of Minnesotans support the DNR proposed season structure and implementation for a limited fall 2012 season.
Clearly greater exploration in the court of opinion is required here. A conservative approach by the Court of Appeals would have been to issue the injunction. But that is using "conservative" in the sense of conservation. The bottom line is that the wolves are de-listed, the DNR is the entity generally responsible for implementing hunting seasons for all game in Minnesota, and they at least appear to have followed their own procedures for implementing such a season. The conservative approach, conservative meaning preserving existing conditions and cautiously limiting change, is to do just as the court has; refusing to issue the immediate injunction, but allowing the case to go forward so issues can be fully argued.
Pagan Hunter Perspective
There are many reasons to hunt. Personally I hunt because I love the taste of venison, I love being out in the woods in the fall, and I love spending time with my dad and husband at the cabin. Hunting for me is the cool crisp fall air. The crunch of leaves under my boots, and the smell of woodsmoke from the wood-burning stove in our little two-room cabin.
I have killed a few deer in my time, and I plan to kill more. I was taught to only take a shot that you knew would kill. I was raised with respect for the animal and shown that the animals we took were more than trophies. Two deer last fall have kept my husband and I in red meat all year long. You can't get much more organic than an animal you shot yourself. I really like that I am not contributing to the mechanized slaughter houses currently supplying most of America's red meat.
Because of this attitude and philosophy toward hunting, I cannot get on the wolf hunting bandwagon. I just do not see the point. No one will be eating wolf meat. Our society is past the point of needing their hides for warmth in the winter. I absolutely understand the need to protect livestock (and livelihood) as well as domestic pets. But the law already provided for that.
Also, 3,000 does not seem like a high number to me, not at all. And considering the length of time the species has existed, our short (though successful) conservation effort to restore this population just doesn't make up for the years of wasteful hunting and trapping.
Speaking of trapping, what a sick awful way to hunt an animal. Hunters are not allowed to bait (attempt to attract with food) deer, nor are they allowed to use dogs to find the deer. But this law would allow wolf hunters to do both. Not very sporting.
In fact, it's an affront to my pagan and hunter sensibilities. There is no respect for the spirit of the animal, or for nature or life in general. Traditionally, American society has had an attitude that all that Nature has to offer is ours for the taking (talk about depredation!!!) but that doesn't fit with a pagan faith.
Thankfully, society seems to be taking a swing back the other way, protecting our natural resources and the animals who share this planet with us. Its become uncouth to rape and pillage Mother Earth like the days of old. I will be following the gray wolf story as it makes its way through the convoluted legal process and updating any interested parties in the blog.
What do you think? Can a pagan simultaneously be a hunter in today's society of fast food and grocery stores? Should the MN DNR allow hunting of the gray wolf?
Sources: MN DNR Website: http://www.dnr.state.mn.us
Marcotty, Josephine."Two national wildlife groups say they will sue to protect grey wolf." Star Tribune. 15 October 2012.
Marcotty, Josephine. "Court ruling allows Minnesota's first managed wolf hunt to be held." Star Tribune. 11 October 2012.
Meador, Ron. "Minnesota's wolf harvest takes shape with reliance on trapping and baiting." Minn Post. 18 September 2012.
Background
A recent development in Minnesota law is legislature taking the gray wolf off of the endangered species list, and instead transitioned the wolf to management under the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources (DNR). The DNR states the Minnesota Wolf Management Plan will ensure the long-term survival of the species, while protecting owners of livestock and domestic pets from depredation. Depredation refers to wildlife destroying property.
Minnesota has a wolf population of 3,000. Largest of any of the lower 48. Prior to the change in the law of January 27, 2012, Minnesota regulations allowed "harassment" of wolves within 500 yards of people, buildings, livestock and domestic pets. The law did not allow for the physical harm of wolves, and you were not allowed to pursue the wolves or bait them.
Further, you are allowed to shoot or destroy a wolf only when said wolf presented an immediate threat to your animals on your property. The shooting must be reported to the DNR within 48 hours and any and all evidence must be preserved for the conservation officer, who will also take the wolf carcass.
Now, the DNR in Minnesota has instituted a legal hunting season for wolves. The regulations split the state into two hunting zones, and has a target "harvest" of 400. Hunters will be able to bait, trap and/or shoot the wolves. Licenses are awarded to hunters via a lottery process.
Legal Battles
Conservation groups have challenged the de-listing of the wolves and implementation of a hunting policy. They point out that the wolf has been on the Endangered Species List for 38 years. Originally, the DNR's plan included a five year waiting period after wolves were de-listed before hunting would begin. Conservationists and other animal rights activists also point out the cruelty of many trapping methods. Often animals are not killed by the traps and continue to suffer until the trappers return to their traps. The length of the season (11 weeks) has also been a topic of discussion.
Court battles for the opposition to the hunt have not gone in their favor. They filed a preliminary injunction (which would in effect stop the season while the court case is ongoing) against implementation of the wolf season, which was lost at the district court level. It was then appealed to the Minnesota Court of Appeals. The appellate court refused to grant the injunction requested. The case will go forward to the Minnesota Supreme Court, but is not sue to be heard until well after the season has ended.
Conservationist groups argue that the DNR rushed the implementation of the hunt, not following some of its own procedures. The DNR will typically hold forums to gauge public opinion on such a drastic change. The DNR maintains that it followed its rules.
The court of appeals, in upholding the denial of the injunction, stated that it was the legislature, not the DNR, that authorized the hunt. Therefore the groups opposed to the hunt failed to show irreparable harm attributable to the DNR's rules if the hunt were to go through as planned.
Attorney Perspective
This particular reasoning seems weak to one pagan attorney blogger. The court seems to be saying that they will not stop the hunt because the legislature authorized it and not the DNR. However, the groups could not have sued the legislature (pesky governmental immunity) to enjoin the hunt. Further, there is serious debate about whether the DNR did its due diligence with regard to public opinion before going forward. One survey found that 79% of Minnesotans to not support hunting and trapping of wolves. Yet another survey posted on the DNR's website indicates that 81.9% of Minnesotans support the DNR proposed season structure and implementation for a limited fall 2012 season.
Clearly greater exploration in the court of opinion is required here. A conservative approach by the Court of Appeals would have been to issue the injunction. But that is using "conservative" in the sense of conservation. The bottom line is that the wolves are de-listed, the DNR is the entity generally responsible for implementing hunting seasons for all game in Minnesota, and they at least appear to have followed their own procedures for implementing such a season. The conservative approach, conservative meaning preserving existing conditions and cautiously limiting change, is to do just as the court has; refusing to issue the immediate injunction, but allowing the case to go forward so issues can be fully argued.
Pagan Hunter Perspective
There are many reasons to hunt. Personally I hunt because I love the taste of venison, I love being out in the woods in the fall, and I love spending time with my dad and husband at the cabin. Hunting for me is the cool crisp fall air. The crunch of leaves under my boots, and the smell of woodsmoke from the wood-burning stove in our little two-room cabin.
I have killed a few deer in my time, and I plan to kill more. I was taught to only take a shot that you knew would kill. I was raised with respect for the animal and shown that the animals we took were more than trophies. Two deer last fall have kept my husband and I in red meat all year long. You can't get much more organic than an animal you shot yourself. I really like that I am not contributing to the mechanized slaughter houses currently supplying most of America's red meat.
Because of this attitude and philosophy toward hunting, I cannot get on the wolf hunting bandwagon. I just do not see the point. No one will be eating wolf meat. Our society is past the point of needing their hides for warmth in the winter. I absolutely understand the need to protect livestock (and livelihood) as well as domestic pets. But the law already provided for that.
Also, 3,000 does not seem like a high number to me, not at all. And considering the length of time the species has existed, our short (though successful) conservation effort to restore this population just doesn't make up for the years of wasteful hunting and trapping.
Speaking of trapping, what a sick awful way to hunt an animal. Hunters are not allowed to bait (attempt to attract with food) deer, nor are they allowed to use dogs to find the deer. But this law would allow wolf hunters to do both. Not very sporting.
In fact, it's an affront to my pagan and hunter sensibilities. There is no respect for the spirit of the animal, or for nature or life in general. Traditionally, American society has had an attitude that all that Nature has to offer is ours for the taking (talk about depredation!!!) but that doesn't fit with a pagan faith.
Thankfully, society seems to be taking a swing back the other way, protecting our natural resources and the animals who share this planet with us. Its become uncouth to rape and pillage Mother Earth like the days of old. I will be following the gray wolf story as it makes its way through the convoluted legal process and updating any interested parties in the blog.
What do you think? Can a pagan simultaneously be a hunter in today's society of fast food and grocery stores? Should the MN DNR allow hunting of the gray wolf?
Sources: MN DNR Website: http://www.dnr.state.mn.us
Marcotty, Josephine."Two national wildlife groups say they will sue to protect grey wolf." Star Tribune. 15 October 2012.
Marcotty, Josephine. "Court ruling allows Minnesota's first managed wolf hunt to be held." Star Tribune. 11 October 2012.
Meador, Ron. "Minnesota's wolf harvest takes shape with reliance on trapping and baiting." Minn Post. 18 September 2012.
I am a big believer in giving credit where its due.
I owe everything I have, my home, my relationships, my education to my parents and my family. My father was in the middle of 8 kids. His father divorced my grandmother before he graduated college. My father got to college through football and kicked ass while he was there, being recognized as the outstanding senior at his graduation. His high school counselor had suggested he start out at junior college, since maybe he couldn't handle a full time college life. He went on to put himself through law school. (His first case was against his own father for non-payment of child support.) He also took on the burden of raising his two youngest brothers from about 11 through high school while just beginning practice as an attorney.
I, on the other hand, was raised from a very young age to value education above almost all else.
My father: "Next to your health and your family, what is the most important thing?"
My sister and I: "A good education!!"
 |
| In case you are wondering, I am on the right. Also, yes, I am still mad about that unfortunate haircut. |
It was a mantra repeated over and over in our house. There was never a question of going to college. When I was a senior in high school, I wanted to take a ceramics course. My dad was worried it wouldn't look like a college-bound course to admissions counselors. (Right next to all the honors courses and dean's list letters.) I was also fortunate enough to have my undergraduate college paid for by my parents. That was the deal. Our parents paid for undergrad, grad school we were on our own.
I have always thought that since I was given such amazing opportunities, I had to do more with them. Isaac Newton said "If I see farther, it is because I stand on the shoulders of giants."
As I approach this pagan blog, I know I am not starting from scratch. I stand on the shoulders of those who have come before me. So, please indulge me as I go through and thank the writers who have helped me along my writing path, as well as my pagan path.
Thanks to all bloggers who gave this a read last night. I hope to hear some feedback as my entries increase.
Quick shoutout to Fire Lyte, whom I am sure many of you know and love for his blog Inciting a Riot. Did you know he is kind of a big deal?? He's always been very supportive and helpful to me in my pagan-blog/podcast wanderings, even encouraging me to do my own.
Also a shoutout to Kat Borealis of Borealis Meditations. She took the time to read my first entry here and follow me on Twitter (at least I am assuming so, because I don't know anyone else in Alaska!). I also really enjoy her podcast. I hope she'll come to MN one day and teach me about the rock formations in our Mississippi River bed. I took geology 101 in college, but damn its been a long time.
Where would I be without Cory and Laine over at New World Witchery? I never had any idea of what hoodoo was if not for stumbling across this podcast. My husband even listens to some episodes. He thinks Cory has a "theater voice." Seriously though, this podcast and its accompanying blog has had a serious impact on my personal practice. I love the practical side of hoodoo. I am not one for elaborate rituals and circle-casting for every spell. I like that the practice is designed for its practitioners to use what's found around them and in their environment.
Last but not least, the Great Velma Nightshade. My first pagan podcast I ever listened to was Witches BrewHaha. Thank you for the tips, the wit and the many episodes!
This is by far not an exhaustive list. But these folks are some of the most influential for me over the last year. I look forward to joining their ranks and I hope my blog (and/or future podcast) is better for having listened to and read theirs.
"I thank Momma for the cookin', Daddy for the whoopin', the Devil for the trouble that I get into./I got to give credit where credit is due. I thank the bank for the money, thank God for you!" - Sawyer Brown
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Hello, nice to meet you... AKA Introductions.
Well, here we go.
For over a year, I have been contemplating the idea of starting a pagan podcast. I figure I had better start with a blog first.
I have mulled it over and dismissed the idea numerous times. Mostly because, who the hell is going to care what I have to say? But so much has happened to me over the last year. Now I am thinking, why the hell not?
So, a little about me.
I am 26 years old. That used to seem soooooooo old. Turns out, not so much. I just passed the Minnesota bar exam, after passing the Wisconsin bar exam last summer. That means I am due to be licensed to practice law in two states.
Oh yeah, I am a lawyer. Though it doesn't feel like that much these days. I have practiced law for the last year. First with a Social Security Disability firm. There I helped people who have become disabled before the age of retirement get monthly benefits to sustain them during their disability. Whatever you think of the Social Security program, I can tell you that this piece of it is essential. I learned a lot about physical and mental illness. Especially the crippling effects illness can have on one's life.
Turns out though, I was working for the Axis of Evil. Yes, these two partners knew what they were doing so far as the practice of law is concerned. (Though I do have serious doubts about the quality of service they have and continue to give their clients. Many are under-served for the sake of profit.) Unfortunately, these people do not know how to treat employees. No benefits for anyone. No paid time off or sick leave or vacation. I just got an email from a friend still employed there that mandated 7:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. hours for their attorneys. I left because I couldn't handle the working environment anymore.
I left hat private firm to join a non-profit firm dedicated to providing access to legal services for low income people. The concept of the firm is fantastic. There is such a HUGE need for affordable legal services for people who do not qualify for legal aid/public defenders (i.e. they aren't "poor enough") but who certainly cannot afford the even modestly-priced legal representation out there. And average retainer for an attorney is upwards of $5,000. Do you have that laying around? Because I sure don't.
Turns out that I left the Axis of Evil to work for Hitler himself. Okay. He wasn't as bad as Hitler. But his worldview certainly dates back to that era. This caucasian Jewish man would often tell our black clients that he may be white on the outside, but that he had a "black soul." He would then proceed to quote Martin Luther King, Jr. or other similar civil rights activists.
Apparently he never heard of the women's liberation movement. He would often treat me like a secretary in the Mad Men era. He would often make comments about my clothes and appearance. If I got assertive, he would denigrate me by calling me hysterical or emotional (which was often not the case).
Probably the most appalling example of his lack of awareness of changing times came when a client came in with a very delicate issue. His ex had accused him of sexually abusing their little girl. I did most of the initial consult. At the end of the conversation he told me things that he was sure his ex would bring up to attempt to prove her baseless allegations. He said three things, one of which was that a neighbor had attempted to sexually assault him as a child. I told him nothing that he had shared was going to be persuasive and supportive of the allegations against him. When my boss entered the room and the client shared the same information, the first words out of my employers' mouth were, "Are you gay?"
I was aghast. I was dumbfounded. I absolutely could not believe this person, this allegedly legally educated person, could be so backwards.
Needless to say, my first year of practice was horrible. And I have since decided that I don't want to be a lawyer. Unfortunately all I have ever wanted is to be a lawyer. I am facing a serious identity crises here. Even without practicing law, being surrounded my so many critical and cynical folks, if I was out of the broom closet, it could serious affect my employment prospects. I could be discredited in the eyes of the bar and the judiciary.
Even though I believe in my heart of hearts that paganism and its many denominations is just as legitimate as Christianity or Islam or Judiaism, all of us know that is not the popular view. (Seriously, your guy rose from the dead, and your guy talked to shrubbery, and we're out of touch??? C'mon.)
Anyway, that's one angle that I hope will be of interest, or even of help to other pagans out there. I am still learning myself how to balance my beliefs with my daily living.
Speaking of daily living, I am a year and a half into marriage. Man, sharing your whole life with someone makes it hard to keep some things secret. Luckily, my husband is very supportive of my alternative beliefs. Even encouraging. (He would like me to cast some nasty stuff on to my former employers-- Cory and Laine, any hoodoo advice?) I still feel self-conscious practicing around him though.
I am also a stepmother. My step-daughter's bio-mom is a self-righteous Catholic. I am guessing she's not going to be thrilled if her daughter comes home talking about Yule or a folkloric tradition.
How can I be true to myself and my beliefs, but maintain the necessary credibility to maintain the more mundane aspects of my life? Am I underestimating the people around me? The tolerance of Pagans in society generally?
Is there a damn thing I can talk about that another Pagan blogger/podcaster hasn't already covered? Probably not. But I know, as often as some topics were covered by different podcasters, I got something out of each of those. If I can help someone else along the path, or give pause to someone who has been practicing their way for many years, I think it is worth it.
Insert clever sign-off here. I'll come up with something later. "I'm Ron Burgundy?"
For over a year, I have been contemplating the idea of starting a pagan podcast. I figure I had better start with a blog first.
I have mulled it over and dismissed the idea numerous times. Mostly because, who the hell is going to care what I have to say? But so much has happened to me over the last year. Now I am thinking, why the hell not?
So, a little about me.
I am 26 years old. That used to seem soooooooo old. Turns out, not so much. I just passed the Minnesota bar exam, after passing the Wisconsin bar exam last summer. That means I am due to be licensed to practice law in two states.
Oh yeah, I am a lawyer. Though it doesn't feel like that much these days. I have practiced law for the last year. First with a Social Security Disability firm. There I helped people who have become disabled before the age of retirement get monthly benefits to sustain them during their disability. Whatever you think of the Social Security program, I can tell you that this piece of it is essential. I learned a lot about physical and mental illness. Especially the crippling effects illness can have on one's life.
Turns out though, I was working for the Axis of Evil. Yes, these two partners knew what they were doing so far as the practice of law is concerned. (Though I do have serious doubts about the quality of service they have and continue to give their clients. Many are under-served for the sake of profit.) Unfortunately, these people do not know how to treat employees. No benefits for anyone. No paid time off or sick leave or vacation. I just got an email from a friend still employed there that mandated 7:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. hours for their attorneys. I left because I couldn't handle the working environment anymore.
I left hat private firm to join a non-profit firm dedicated to providing access to legal services for low income people. The concept of the firm is fantastic. There is such a HUGE need for affordable legal services for people who do not qualify for legal aid/public defenders (i.e. they aren't "poor enough") but who certainly cannot afford the even modestly-priced legal representation out there. And average retainer for an attorney is upwards of $5,000. Do you have that laying around? Because I sure don't.
Turns out that I left the Axis of Evil to work for Hitler himself. Okay. He wasn't as bad as Hitler. But his worldview certainly dates back to that era. This caucasian Jewish man would often tell our black clients that he may be white on the outside, but that he had a "black soul." He would then proceed to quote Martin Luther King, Jr. or other similar civil rights activists.
Apparently he never heard of the women's liberation movement. He would often treat me like a secretary in the Mad Men era. He would often make comments about my clothes and appearance. If I got assertive, he would denigrate me by calling me hysterical or emotional (which was often not the case).
Probably the most appalling example of his lack of awareness of changing times came when a client came in with a very delicate issue. His ex had accused him of sexually abusing their little girl. I did most of the initial consult. At the end of the conversation he told me things that he was sure his ex would bring up to attempt to prove her baseless allegations. He said three things, one of which was that a neighbor had attempted to sexually assault him as a child. I told him nothing that he had shared was going to be persuasive and supportive of the allegations against him. When my boss entered the room and the client shared the same information, the first words out of my employers' mouth were, "Are you gay?"
I was aghast. I was dumbfounded. I absolutely could not believe this person, this allegedly legally educated person, could be so backwards.
Needless to say, my first year of practice was horrible. And I have since decided that I don't want to be a lawyer. Unfortunately all I have ever wanted is to be a lawyer. I am facing a serious identity crises here. Even without practicing law, being surrounded my so many critical and cynical folks, if I was out of the broom closet, it could serious affect my employment prospects. I could be discredited in the eyes of the bar and the judiciary.
Even though I believe in my heart of hearts that paganism and its many denominations is just as legitimate as Christianity or Islam or Judiaism, all of us know that is not the popular view. (Seriously, your guy rose from the dead, and your guy talked to shrubbery, and we're out of touch??? C'mon.)
Anyway, that's one angle that I hope will be of interest, or even of help to other pagans out there. I am still learning myself how to balance my beliefs with my daily living.
Speaking of daily living, I am a year and a half into marriage. Man, sharing your whole life with someone makes it hard to keep some things secret. Luckily, my husband is very supportive of my alternative beliefs. Even encouraging. (He would like me to cast some nasty stuff on to my former employers-- Cory and Laine, any hoodoo advice?) I still feel self-conscious practicing around him though.
I am also a stepmother. My step-daughter's bio-mom is a self-righteous Catholic. I am guessing she's not going to be thrilled if her daughter comes home talking about Yule or a folkloric tradition.
How can I be true to myself and my beliefs, but maintain the necessary credibility to maintain the more mundane aspects of my life? Am I underestimating the people around me? The tolerance of Pagans in society generally?
Is there a damn thing I can talk about that another Pagan blogger/podcaster hasn't already covered? Probably not. But I know, as often as some topics were covered by different podcasters, I got something out of each of those. If I can help someone else along the path, or give pause to someone who has been practicing their way for many years, I think it is worth it.
Insert clever sign-off here. I'll come up with something later. "I'm Ron Burgundy?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)